Most Annoying Punk Band Ever to Release New Album

NoFx is gearing up to release Coaster on April 28, prompting cries of "Break up, already" from...well...me.

Let's take a closer look at the track list, and I'll predict what each song is about. *These are simply predictions -- I have no prior knowledge of what will be on this record. The names of the songs, however, are legit.*

1. We Called It America - A 3 minute long rant against conservative America with Fat Mike name-dropping the founding fathers.

2. The Quitter - Apathetic guy drinks, smokes, and listens to too much punk rock.

3. First Call - Half-time four-chord love song about the time Fat Mike met his wife.

4. My Orphan Year - A fictional character named Eddy is turned to the street after his parents die in a car accident.

5. Blasphemy (The Victimless Crime) - Tirade against Christianity with at least one use of every anti-Christian cliche NoFx could find on the internet.

6. Creeping Out Sara - A story of inappropriate and disgusting actions taken in the face of a stalwart Sara.

7. Eddie, Bruce and Paul - In the tradition of Liza and Louise...

8. Best God in Show - Another Fat Mike diatribe against organized religion...pointing out the aural and philosophical similarities between "dog" and "god" on multiple occasions.

9. Suits and Ladders - Fat Mike goes on yet another tirade...this time against corporate America and greed.

10. The Agony of Victory - NoFx examines the war in Iraq, talks shit about George Bush and the rest of his administration, uses impressive Iraqi jargon.

11. I Am an Alcoholic - Fat Mike denounces the evils of alcohol...just kidding. Fat Mike gets drunk and throws up on a small child.

12. One Million Coasters - Dedicated to the one million people who still believe George Bush was a good president.

The music should be equally as predictable. There, I just saved you the time and money you would have spent buying the album. Let's send a message to NoFx this time around and boycott the Gospel according to Fat Mike, please. Thx.

Download 03 - NOFX - Murder The Government

"Murder the government and then...do it again, yeah!"
- NoFx, "Murder the Government"